Oh Please!
by Deven Draven
Summary: Sidney McMahon steals the spotlight - and the back page column - of WWF Magazine.


**SMALL PACKAGE with Sidney McMahon**

* * *

**OH PLEASE...!**

Wrestling is my life, that is undisputed! What I loathe are people who try to take that away from me. People who go out of their way to interfere, and keep me out of action in whichever way they can, and for whatever reason. People who keep me away from what I do best - performing! People like Stephanie, Test - and dare I say it?! - my own uncle, Vince McMahon!  
  
Yes, the one man I trusted above all in the 'Fed has used me, manipulated me, and for what? Do we even know? That's something I vow to find out in the near future! I was so naïve, I didn't see it at the time - something that was plain enough for everyone else! 'Lil Sidney Mack, Vince's personal fool! Well not anymore, I can tell ya!  
  
_To all those who tried to warn me, I've been such an idiot. Please forgive me._  
  
My father's brother - who I now simply know as "Vince" - started simply enough. WWF good - Alliance bad. That didn't take much. Following that came the lies. Spike Dudley was "losing all respect" for me, Lita was commenting on my "lack of intelligence" towards women's singles matches, and my treasured friend Scotty 2 Hotty was abandoning me in favor of Albert. Truth be known it was Scotty who was left abandoned, due to Vince's constant need to have me "handling business matters" as he called it. I still tried like hell to make it to Scotty's matches, lending my support to both him and the "Hip-Hop Hippo" Albert. Trusting Vince cost me my relationship - but not my friendship - with Spike, and almost cost me the only close female friend I've ever had! When Ric Flair arrived on the scene as co-owner, that trust cost me what I loved most. The Spooky Kidz officially came to an end.  
  
Don't get me wrong; I respect Mr Flair - both as a wrestler and a businessman - which is why Vince further insulted my intelligence by giving me more duties to keep me well out of Flair's reach. I'm 19 years old. I think I'm old enough to know my own mind by now. Mr Flair made it clear to Stephanie in the very beginning that he would no longer do business with a McMahon - any McMahon. Can't really blame him! Vince was still unsettled by my admiration for Mr Flair, and so when Chris Jericho was named the first ever World Wrestling Federation Undisputed Champion, Vince found the perfect prison for me as the "First Lady" or the "Official Undisputed Championship Manager." Apparently I was there to "encourage" - spare me! I was there simply as a slave to clean his belts, just another accessory for Y2J. By this time I wasn't going to settle and I began to dig in my heels, demanding there be a get-out clause. The "Make or Break" matches were born. I would fight for my freedom, and if I lost I would have to wait until Vince saw fit to award me another. Vince, however, decided that these matches were too frequent and has now restricted them to pay-per-views only. These matches may have been frequent, but they were never easy. Vince made sure of that!  
  
If I'm brutally honest, it wasn't the management duties that bothered me - it was Jericho! Ever since he became the champion we've all noticed a great change in his attitude. The man is arrogant, self-obsessed - simply a magnification of his previous persona - and acts like a spoilt brat. Has he become the male version of Steph? I think so... All joking aside, what if? What if events at Vengeance had turned out differently? There were four competitors. Four potential champions. Four possibilities.   
  
**The Fantasy**  
**Kurt Angle** - Um, well... I wouldn't exactly jump for joy at managing Kurt. I mean, he's just another Jericho if y'ask me. Only dorkier!  
**Stone Cold Steve Austin** - I think I'd probably enjoy this one! Yes, I know what you're thinking, it's a far cry from what I would've said a few months ago, but hey - people change. Stone Cold is one of the few people who know how to play Vince, and right now that the idea of the Bionic Redneck being champion sounds even more appealing to me.  
**The Rock** - Finally... mmmmm The Rock. I mean, um... excuse me, I must apologise, but this guy is just so... well he's The Rock, ain't he? Just say his name and watch my cheeks burn red and the huge smile spread across my face. And I'll let you in on a little secret too... I lost $20 on a bet for this guy! Not that I would ever bet on such matches, of course! Ahem... what can I say? I'm a slave to the strudel, if ya smell what 'Lil Sid's cookin'!  
  
**The Reality**  
**"Y2J" Chris Jericho** - Never do I get a moments peace with this guy. The self-proclaimed "Larger Than Life Living Legend" likes nothing more than to hound me with calls to go over to his place to massage his back and braid his hair! Oh, did I forget to mention that he asks me to interfere with every match! I am there to observe, to encourage. I am not there to look pretty while handing him a chair to beat The Rock's brains out with! Not my style! I like to call him the "J-Lo" of the World Wrestling Federation!  
  
Unfortunately I'm stuck with the pompous jack@$# until I win a "Make or Break," or until a new champion is named. The return of Triple H has given me hope. My heart went out to him when I heard about Steph's fake pregnancy, and Vince had the audacity to blame Triple H for my turning on him! My decision to rid myself of such a family was more to do with the levels at which they will stoop to manipulate and to destroy. After what Stephanie did, I was amazed - no, disgusted - that Vince would stand by her like that. Sure, she's his daughter, but... I have no words to describe the sick feeling I get when I think about it! Now that Triple H and Stephanie are separated, she seems to be pushing me out of my place at Jericho's side, leaving me with mixed feelings. One the one hand I'm really peeved - I'm not allowed to wrestle, or fulfil my duties as a manager. On the other hand, I have more spare time to devote to my new column, which you've probably turned the page on by now, ha ha! Seriously though, it's frustrating. There's nothing I've written here that you don't already know. You were all there with me. You saw it all, and for the support you've given me I will always be grateful.  
  
And so, the road to Wrestlemania lies ahead. Vince has not denied that I am simply meat for the beast - I stand alone against Test. Will I "make" an even bigger fool of myself, or will I succeed in this "break" for freedom? This is one Test I hope - no, I intend - to pass with flying colors! If I should fail, I only hope to God that Triple H is "that damn good!" ¤  
  
Keep it real,  
_Sidney McMahon_


End file.
